Excerpt from the book, “Essays from Dysfunctional Families: Dysfunctional Betrayal”

Kevin D.

Leon, Kansas

I’ll be honest I never thought that I would be well enough to exit rehab. I never thought that I would be strong enough to fight the urges of getting high. I enjoyed just about every drug out there. After clubbing and hanging out with the entirely wrong crowd I was introduced to so many drugs. However, that’s not where my habits began. My mother smoked cigarettes and my father was an alcoholic. My father left all of his alcohol in easy reach and never stopped me from having a taste. My first drink was at the age of thirteen and when I got caught at fourteen he simply said, “Save me some.” My mother smoked about a half a pack of cigarettes a day. When I got my first job at sixteen, in order for me to get cigarettes I would have to give my mother half my paycheck.

She would say, “If you’re gonna smoke my cigs than you have to pay for them.” After being taught in school not to smoke, drink, and do drugs I knew what I was doing was wrong, but my parents didn’t care and even encouraged it. When I left for college, drinking and smoking was second nature for me; my first nature was walking and talking. It wasn’t until a wild frat party that I had my first ecstasy pill. It was wild I tell you. I couldn’t believe how high I felt. It was amazing. All seven years of college were parties and drugs. I almost didn’t graduate. It was in college that I found out about heroin and cocaine.

When I graduated I got a job DJing at a club where drugs were all around me. Some nights I tried my best to stay completely sober, but most nights I was high as a kite. I also got introduced to mushrooms, opium, and PCP while I was at the club. I spent my nights making the best music ears can hear and getting so high that there were some nights I thought for sure I was going to die.

After leaving the club I got a job stripping at a gay bar. It sounds crazy, but stripping made more money and I needed the money to fund my high.

I first experienced marijuana at the house of a gay guy I went home with. I also had my first and last gay sexual experience that night. The high on PCP is what got me there and the high from the weed is what kept me there. It wasn’t until I blacked out about a week after and woke up in the hospital that I decided it was time to end this affair with the pharmaceutical business. I spent three years in rehab and had no intentions of leaving. I was too afraid that I could not be fixed and getting out would only make me end up addicted again or even dead.

My counselor told me that I had to deal with my past. It wasn’t until rehab that I realized the hatred I harbored for my parents for not having structure in our home. I blamed them for my addictions and it was my excuse for getting high. I would always tell myself that I am addicted and it’s their fault. I can’t control myself, but it’s not my fault. After much crying and screaming I had realized it was up to me to change my habits. After meeting with my parents at the rehab and expressing to them how I felt I received the release I needed to change my habits.

After coming home from rehab I realized that I could not go back to my old jobs. Having majored in business, I decided to start my own business in counseling. As the founder and owner of Once an Addict Now I’m Sober (OAANIS) I counsel men, women, and children daily and help people release themselves from addictions.

Excerpt from the book, “Essays from Dysfunctional Families: Dysfunctional Betrayal”
https://www.amazon.com/Essays-Dysfunctional-Families-Betrayal-Version/dp/1505654165/ref=sr_1_2?crid=MLNO3WTFPEKS&keywords=essays+casey+bell&qid=1642527200&sprefix=essays+casey+bell%2Caps%2C67&sr=8-2