First and foremost, there is no such thing as a cheating man. Whether he is 17, 47, or 87, he is still a boy. First, we will discuss the boy who cheats on his girl with another girl and then we will discuss the boy who cheats on his girl with a boy. Any boy who cheats does so because he refuses to seek counseling. Molestation can cause many problems, alcoholism, drug abuse, sex addiction, and unfortunately molestation. Boys/girls who molest where molested or sexually abused in some form. Unfortunately, due to America’s way of making therapy a joke many people whom need it will refuse to seek it. Instead, they seek counsel in alcohol, drugs, and sex. Any boy who does not deal with being molested and gets married before becoming a man will be the one who cheats. A boy who has been taught a man needs to be married, have children, etc has the heart to do what is right, but his mind has not been matured to do so.
Sex feels great when done right either at 25 or 15. The first time if it felt good it is 100% difficult to stop. Any boy who had sex before marriage (especially with his wife) does not want marriage. He is only getting in it (marriage) for the sake of doing what is right by American standards (especially the Christian standard). If he had sex with you before marriage, the only thing he wanted was sex. He didn’t want a relationship, marriage, children, communication, etc, all he wanted was sex. When you are addicted to sex, enough is never enough. Just like any other addiction. People who are addicted to alcohol will get drunk off cough medicine or rubbing alcohol if they cannot get to beer/wine/spirits. It’s the same with a sex addiction. If they “need” it and you are not around, they will get it elsewhere. In that moment it is not about hurting your feelings or breaking your trust, it is about filling that addiction with the drug (sex). I cannot speak for all sex addicts, but most know they need help, but are too ashamed to get help. We can thank Americans, especially Christians for condemning and judging people for their sins.
The bible says to confess yours sins one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed (James 5:16). If we weren’t so judgmental, we could all confess to each other and help each other get healed instead of condemn people to hell. Anyone who is considered a pervert knows it. They do not need people calling them such, they need HELP. If you now, or in the future end up being cheated on, or are the cheater, counseling, grace, mercy, and love is needed in the situation. If you are the “victim” as hurt as you may be, forgive him/her and suggest they seek counseling. Whether you stay together or break up be kind enough to see that he/she seeks help. Anyone who cheats is broken. Do not leave broken pottery on the floor. Pick it up get some glue and fix it. If they do not want help then leave, but at least offer the help before abruptly leaving the relationship.
If professional counseling cannot be afforded than, find a free group therapy in your neighborhood. They are available, but you have to seek it. If that boy feels in his heart and mind it is time to become a man, he will seek out counseling. That does not mean you have to stay with him. G-d could have simply used you to help him become the man/husband he needs to be for his future wife. As well as, showed you, you still have some work to do (To stop having boys being attracted to you).
Don’t be angry, be grateful you got to help a fellow citizen. One thing I do need to say though, I would not suggest you go to the therapy sessions with him. Seeing you, may cause it difficult for him to open up, as he needs to. Further more if a boy was attracted to you then you might want to seek counseling yourself or at least do an inventory to figure out why a boy was attracted to you. Again, boys are not attracted to women only girls. Boys know they can convince a girl to be with him. Talk is not enough for a woman, she needs visual evidence (job, career, business, respect for his mom/sister, abstinence) in order to be persuaded. A woman can smell a boy from miles away and has her RAID ready (lol).
As per the boy who has sex with men on the side (down low), he needs counseling just as much as the other boy does. Any boy that has sex with another boy was or is being molested. Whether the molester is stopped or not, for the most part the same thing is said to the boy: “Don’t say anything. This is a (family) secret. Don’t air our dirty laundry in public. Just get over it. Keep quiet about this.” And you know what people, that is exactly what he does. He doesn’t stop the molestation he just keeps it on the down low, as he was instructed. As I said before once you start good sex, it is difficult to stop.
Even now with the LGBT community on the rise, people are still ashamed to be gay. So instead of “coming out of the closet,” they pretend they was never in the closet and go in the closet secretly. Until you smoke a cigarette you will never understand how difficult it is to stop smoking. Until you get drunk, get high, get addicted to food…until you are molested you will never understand the difficulty to not want to have gay sex, but cannot stop. The memory of how good the sex (molestation) was is what keeps them in the closet, but the shame they may receive is what keeps them from being open about their choice of sexuality. And in many cases, they truly desire a wife and children, but cannot shake the addiction. It is real.
Again, therapy and counseling are needed, but until America makes mental treatment as important as cancer treatment, people will continue to avoid it. Men who have been molested have gone through the counseling process and no longer desires to have sex on the side. Only boys cheat and are on the down low. And as said before boys are only attracted to girls. If boys who cheat keep being attracted to you, it is time to check yourself. If you do not want a dog/pig being attracted to you then you have to stop being one. I know this may sound harsh, but you cannot deny reality or even nature. By nature, dogs are attracted to dogs and pigs to pigs. Seek counsel and remove shame. Just as long as you are doing right in life and apologizing when you are wrong you should never have shame.
This is an excerpt from my book, “Men Are Dogs.” Click Here to Get Your Copy